Stigli smo pred hotel Han. Džavid je riješio sve vezano za unajmljivanje sobe i smjestili smo se. Ja sam naravno odmah legla, jer su upravo ti trnci krenuli da napadaju. Trljala sam noge jednu o drugu, mrdala ih gore dole po krevetu, da malo ublažim te trnce. Te ribice. Osjećala sam se kao da su me napale ribe. Nuspojave kemoterapije.
– Da sam ona slikarica Frida Kahlo što je slikala scene svoje bolesti, ja bih nacrtala veliki krevet, sebe zalijepljenu za taj krevet i velike ruke koje me prebacuju skupa s krevetom u ogromni akvarij gdje stotine malih ribica čekaju odmah da napadnu. Ali sve ribe odjednom, po svim dijelovima tijela – tako sam pokušavala da opišem trnce, iako u bolovima, ispričala sam to s osmijehom. I slaba jača sam.
– Zamisli, Džavide, tu sliku – pokazivala sam rukama.
– Baš, tako te to boli? – smijao se Džavid tim idejama, a u isto vrijeme saosjećao sa mnom.
– Baš! Užasne su. Napadaju me sa svih strana. Ali noge i ruke najviše.
Svako malo bi se javio poneki grč u zglobovima i bol koja se šetala s jednog kraja tijela na drugi. Trnci su najgori pri nervnim završecima.
– Daj da ti izmasiram noge.
– Može, Džako – svukao mi je čarape. Krenuo je lagano da me masira, ali onda sam shvatila da mi je tako još gore, pa smo brzo odustali od te ideje.
– Kako to tako boli, joj, Džako, sve me boli…
SOBA ZA NIKOGA – Poglavlje 12
The Fishies
We arrived at the hotel, “Han”. Dzavid got us a room and we settled in. Of course, I lay down immediately, since the tingling started to attack me. I rubbed my legs against each other, moving them up and down the bed, to ease the tingling. The fishies. I felt like I was attacked by the fish. Side effects of chemotherapy.
– If I were that painter Frida Kahlo, I would paint the scene of my illness, I would draw a large bed, with me glued to the bed and the big hands that are moving me along with the bed into a giant aquarium where hundreds of small fishies are waiting to attack me immediately. But all the fish at once, all over my body. – That’s how I was trying to describe the tingling sensation, and even though I was in pain, I told it with a smile. For when I am weak, then I am stronger.
– Dzavid, imagine that picture – I was showing it with my hands.
– Really, it hurts that much? – Dzavid laughed at those ideas, while sympathizing with me at the same time.
– Exactly! They’re dreadful. They attack me from all sides. But mostly my arms and legs.
Every now and then, there was some cramp in the joints and the pain which was moving from one end of the body to another. Tingles were the worst at nerve endings.
– Let me rub your feet.
– Ok, Javid – he took my socks off. He moved slowly to massage me, but then I realized that it was only making it worse, so we quickly gave up the idea.
– It hurts so much, Dzavid, everything hurts.
ROOM FOR NOBODY – Chapter 12
SOBA ZA NIKOGA 