Presvlačila sam se pred ogledalom i birala šta da obučem. Uzela sam omiljene poderane hlače i bilo mi je čudno kako su prilično prazne u predjelu stražnjice. Spustila sam ih do koljena i bacila pogled na ogledalo. Moja fina, okrugla istrenirana zadnjica se ispuhala. Doslovno. Samo je ostala koža. Nisam trenirala nikako u to vrijeme, ali nije bilo nikakvog razloga da se tako doslovno ispuše. Znači nestala.
Temperatura 37,6 do 37,8 je postala učestala i javljala se svake večeri u isto vrijeme. U pola deset. Zatim se desilo i prvo noćno znojenje, tačnije preznojavanje koje kad ustanem iz kreveta izgleda kao da sam upravo završila s tuširanjem, ali sam se pri tom zaboravila skinuti. Pidžama se cijedila, kosa u vodi, mokar jastuk, mokre plahte. Temperature do 37,9 pa i do 38,2 su se nastavljale svake večeri, a s njima i noćno znojenje. Jutra poslije su bila najnormalnija, kao da se ništa nije desilo.
NISMO DOVOLJNO EDUCIRANI PO PITANJU PRVIH SIMPTOMA RAKA!
Da sam kojim slučajem čula ranije da je neko od oboljelih od raka imao noćna znojenja, temperature i kvržice sigurno bih reagirala brže, odlučnije, spremnije, ovako mi je bilo nemoguće povezati sve to. Jer kad nastupi temperatura, da bi znali da je učestala, mora proći neko vrijeme, dok se vi snađete šta ćete s njom, već vas snađe nešto drugo. I tako vam prolazi dragocjeno vrijeme.
Kvržica me nije zabrinjavala koliko noćno znojenje, temperature iz čista mira i moje kompletno stanje, a bilo je takvo da sam počela osjećati nekakvu opću slabost. U to vrijeme nisam mogla povezati kvržicu s temperaturom i noćnim znojenjem, a to su zapravo bili prvi konkretni simptomi.
SOBA ZA NIKOGA – Poglavlje 2
First Symptoms
I was changing clothes in front of the mirror and choosing what to wear. I took my favourite ripped jeans, and it was strange to see them rather empty in the area of the buttocks. I dropped them to my knees and looked at myself in the mirror. My nice, round, trained buttocks deflated. Literally. There was only skin left. I was not training at the time, but there was no reason for it to deflate. It was completely gone.
Body temperature of 37.6 up to 37.8 became frequent and occurred every night at the same time. At half past ten. Then I had the first night sweat, or to be more precise, when I got out of bed I looked like I had just taken a shower, but I had forgotten to take my clothes off. Pyjama was dripping, hair was completely wet, pillow was wet, and my sheets were also wet. It was cold and I was shaking with fever, so, taking shower at that point was out of question, only drying, changing and sleeping. Temperatures up to 37.9 and 38.2 continued every night, and with them the night sweats. The mornings after were completely normal, as if nothing had happened.
We are not educated enough on the issue of the first symptoms of cancer.
If I had by any chance heard earlier that some of the cancer patients had night sweats, fever and lumps, I would have reacted faster, more decisively, more willingly; but without knowing this, it was impossible for me to put it all together. Because, when the fever occurs, only after a while you can conclude that it has become frequent, and by the time you find your way around it, something else happens. Thus, your precious time passes.
The lump did not worry me as much as the night sweats did, high body temperature out of the blue and my overall situation, because I began to feel some sort of general weakness. At that time I did not connect my little lump with fever and night sweats, which were in fact the first concrete symptoms.
ROOM FOR NOBODY – Chapter 2
SOBA ZA NIKOGA 